beano is illegal

And just like that it was over. There was no more Bolly or Mabis. Dolly didn't quite know what to do. It was quiet and Dolly couldn't remember what it was like before. It was kind of like short term memory loss. Have you ever heard of wheat berries?

Hi Bolly Mabis! *waves* We miss you

And she said, "Blam Blam, Diggity Blam, De Blam." Fing Fang, jingedly clange she dang! He wondered, "What the hell, bling sang?" And then they ding ding ding de dang, ding ding shit, de dang, yeah!

The Cat House

Oh no. Not again.

pink dinosaur at night

Yeah now if you let me you won't regret me Shit if you let me you won't forget me And now my Grandmama ain't the only girl callin' me baby I caught the moon today pick it up and throw it away alright With a baby Louis Vuitton under her under arm I like the dirt that's on your knees Take that and rewind it back, Ursher got the voice make ya booty go (clap) Its just a little pinprick you'll feel no more aaahhh but you might feel a little sick I tell you love, sister, its just a kiss away My best friend Leslie said oh she's just being Miley Now wouldn't you, barracuda A baby boy's born in the ghetto Mama liked the roses Dream on Dream it 'til your dream comes true Hit me with your best shot Under the thumb the squirmy dog who's just had her day Yo this is nappy boy radio live My heart is beating like an 8-oh-8 Its gonna be me you and the dance floor I'd love to change the world but I don't know what to do so I'll leave it up to youuu

full of the rage virus

How can someone be SO dumb? How is it even possible? This is less of a question and more of a statement because - obviously - you have proven that it is possible. You ask the stupidest questions and have the most ridiculous responses to things. You understand nothing and you have also proven that there is such a thing as a dumb question. You try to be endearing and yet somehow jealousy, rage, and aggression come through. You are never clear in what you mean and repeat yourself an infinite number of times. I don't know how your family, or anyone for that matter, can stand to be around you for prolonged periods of time without either jabbing their eyeballs out with a pencil or killing you.

Dear Gardasil

I appreciate your fight against HPV. It is wonderful that there is now a vaccine to combat a virus that has the potential to snowball into one of the deadliest diseases known to women.

I am writing because your commercials are ridiculous. I am, of course, referring to your "Everything I Can" campaign. One would think that Merck and Co being a multi-billion dollar pharmaceutical corporation, you could hire consultants and ad execs that can speak proper English before launching a major campaign. As you are aware, at the end of each of your commercials, the somber female actress states as follows: "What would I do to protect myself? Everything I can."

It doesn't take a genius to recognize the fault that can be found in the above two sentences when placed together as a question and answer. The word "would" can be a verb to act as the past tense for "will" or, in this case, can act as an auxiliary to express desire or a wish. It suggests something someone MIGHT do, or would do given the chance or opportunity. Thus, the correct response to "What would I do to protect myself?" would be "Everything I COULD."

Now, I understand your desire to keep the phrase "Everything I can." However, in that case, the question preceeding that response should be "What WILL I do to protect myself?" (as well, using "will" instead of "would" makes the sentence stronger, as though one is taking action rather than considering the possibility of taking action).

No problem!

Power Out

Once there was a drag queen named Jack. Poo is blue. Smells like curry. The reindeers lick it up. Purple monkey dishwasher? I will. Please stop that. Hurry before it escapes. Pass the lighter. That fish ate your brains. My brains, you say? My brain was the fish's brain.

Domo Regato Mr. Roboto

You start. I wanna go to the go carts. Remember that day the bird swept down and poured ocean on our expectant faces? A million eyes watched. Red light, green light, yellow light. Black light tattoos in the shape of skeletons. Oh yeah I needed your help. Crip. Crip. Crip. Are those geese? Oe Giise? Chickidee China the Chinese Chicken ain't got nothing on that bunny hop. I always thought that was a hot tub. Yo quiero Taco Bell, except for not, only more with less hot sauce. Who is dad talking to? Do you actually know or is this just one of those crazy occurances where people stand in factories and wash, rinse, repeat and then smell the fresh earth that the animals have rolled in and watch as the sky turns amethyst like Courtney Love. Occurences is with an E.

santa and the peacock

Why won't they stop saying that to me? Can't they see that I don't make eye contact for a reason? Apparently not. At first it was easy to wag my tail and live up to their ridiculous expectations but now this has become too much. They're so dense. I've even started to roll my eyes and they don't respond properly. They just keep saying good boy, good boy, blablabla. They're always touching me too. Don't they get it? I've attacked multiple people and they're still touching me! When I walk away, they follow. Why don't human rules apply to dogs? Why can't I have a moment of peace?

Good God, Girl

I wish I knew ya

GUEST POST BY BOLLY MABIS

I'M NOT DOING IT

mooky earl

Whooo Whoo whispered the tiny bird why do you ask such hard questions red and green too christmasy perhaps she wondered happy birthday to you happy birthday slurp slurp pigeons and taxis pigeons and taxis she whistled as she worked moustaches for the stars please sir spooky sounds ghosties ghosties ghosties tell your life story teacher teacher jumble mumble

Gesundheit

There is no greater cop-out in the English language than "meh."

Those three teeny, tiny little letters form the most mind-numbingly boring sound. It signifies disinterest; it is flippant, rude, too easy, overly simplistic, egotistical, spoiled. Rather than rub two brain cells together and formulate an actual opinion (Lawd forbid, actually speak), it's easier to be lazy, to fall back onto a stagnant, rotten bad habit that barely qualifies as speech and is more readily compared to mating boars grunting.

That's the point, you say? You're so disinterested, lazy, and crude, that stringing together a few syllables might actually be counterproductive and demonstrate that you DO give a damn?

Interesting, and something to think about. Well played.

Michael Phelps is a Vampire

Just so you know.

Consider the evidence: as the photo illustrates, Phelps displays abnormally long canines. Freakish, as it were. In addition, the multiple wins suggest super human strength. These two factors, while weak evidence alone, are reinforced by his behaviour last night after his win - it was animalistic, almost rage-filled, devoid of happiness and filled with something quite fearful.

Indeed.

green yarn yellow yarn blue yarn

"You'll love it," he said.


Now look at her.

There is only now.

once upon a time...

You finally realize it is over. There are no "redos." Nothing you can change. The time has passed and hopefully you have enjoyed yourself, hopefully something good has come out of it all. All of the work and excitement that built up. But not everything is happily ever after. Not everyone has that special happy ending. If you are lucky you will savour the best memories and forget about the rest. Or maybe there is no rest. Maybe your cup was totally full.

Aztec Princes

Purple pop and orange crush add vibrant splashes of colour to that insane moment! Green Red Yellow Pink Blue CLEAR! The scent of fine Cuban cigars with their curling smoke and the closeness of so many people. Laughter and jest and understanding. and Quickzalquackzel laughs and growls from the dancing willows. The most important sentence you'll see in your lifetime. Read it again.

Be sure to wave and smile next time you see him! Are you understanding? Are you really listening? Be sure to wave and smile next time you see him!!

God, that was strange to see you again

Stretching, stretching, like going to St. Ninian's Cave.

Have you thought of your zombie attack plan, they ask ALL THE TIME?

In Zombie movies, the windows and doors are always boarded up with so much wood. Where does all the wood come from? And how do they board it up quick enough and well enough so that the zombies (or "infected", if you will) don't run right into the house?

There are moments when you look back and realize the perfection of a previous, and you're a little sad because you didn't realize it at the time, but then that sadness is gone because you're joyous you realized it at all, even all that time later. And then it's a moment...

Ice dripping down the side of the sweating martini glass, the dull green of the dried xmas cherry, the solitary straw, that moment! You look at the moon and it's so big and then everything is so still.

That candy does not go with that bear, thankyouverymuch.

TWO AND A HALF MEN

Not 85% Cocoa and lick-you-like-a-lollipop tootsie pop sweet. Bad sweet. Teeth-hurt-sweet. Wish you'd grow fur on your molars to protect them from the sweetness, sweet.

Mink, please. Pull it right down over those pearly whites.

Just words, but so---

robin's egg blue

"Goodbye," he whispered as he squeezed my hand, "Remember what I've told you." I watched his eyelids drop as he lost his personal battle. And then he was gone.

burning

Make another copy. Photocopy. Copycat. Copy and paste. Glue. Kindergarten. School. Teachers. Pencils. Wood. Forest. Trailer. Movies. Theatres. Cinema. Popcorn. Pop. Poppies. Flowers. Flour. Baking. Delicious. BakingFlourFlowersPoppiesPopPopcorn
CinemaTheatresMoviesTrailerForestWoodPencilsTeachersSchoolKindergartenGlue
CopyandPasteCopycatPhotocopyMakeanothercopy

Full Circle.

Monthly Service Fee

Ding ding ding! Dang Dang Dang! What way does the weather flow! Me yo me to! Does the chocolate come that colour? That would be awesome. Click! What a freaking loud sound! Look at the donkey! An ugly baby duck. Did we tell you what we saw? Never! hahahaha! Well don't you wish you knew, you turd! How did the blue bell meow on that day to the bright blue grass on the fourth of september in the year of eighteen hundred and ninty-nine, they all wanted to know but nobody would tell them because their lips were sealed shut by mint and vanilla flavoured chapstick that they stole from their mother's drawer extactly four point five years after it was manufactured by a wonderful old lady who used to be a famous $$$ tycoon from some country called I-don't-know.

Pink Sky at Night Part II

Muse

He thought she'd abandoned him. He paced back and forth, back and forth over the creaky wood floorboards on the third floor, the night stretching endlessly in front of him, a big black pit devouring his soul.

Little did he know she was just outside the window, creeping along the window ledge, pressing her body against the ice cold pane of filthy glass. She couldn't see him through the film, but she heard him crying, and it made her grow stronger, knowing that he was suffering, knowing that he grew weaker with every moment.

She waited.

Sailor's Delight

Last night I dreamed of a golden bicycle. Let us call him Mike. Mike was a magical bicycle. But he was simply a part of my imagination. Imagination. Does it only let me see the things I want to believe in and know to be "true?" Is it possible to destroy the things I see that I don't want to believe in? How? Maybe Mike knows. Maybe the fairies do. But how will I see them when I have been told they are not real? How will I ask them?

Pink Sky at Night.

empty cans

A candy bar lures him. The box falls. What is he to do? He calls for help but there is no one. No one.

A funny monkey dancing with 4 clowns on a teeny stage. Yum-o.

Two kids looked up at the sky and saw a wormhole. The little cloud was shaped like a dreamcatcher, and a tiny keyhole was pressed in the middle of it, waiting for someone to go through and travel to There.

There is a bright place, with white sky and a billion diamond-shaped stars sprinkled across the land, barely visible against the light backdrop. Hello, they twinkle faintly, but nobody hears, this land where stardust goes to fade. Who mourns a star when it dies?

They are the Greek Gods!! Zeus and Demeter and Athena!! Unicorns and matadors walk the land, growing fainter and fainter, because nobody believes, and without belief they have no existence. The wormhole was their last chance at communication, but failed, having put it far too high into the sky.

Did anyone see "So You Think You Can Dance?" last night. I often wonder what black coffee is made of. Just coffee beans and water, you say? Balderdash. Little yellow birds flit across the sky, but they aren't birds, they are fairies trying to stop the evil plans of the squirrels. Thanks Fairies! Worms are happy for your efforts! Happy little clams click clack click clack and smile as they awaken in deafening sun. Eat a book.

scared

Gold man you haunt us. Stop chasing. Stop whispering.

Baa

Gum. It's so loud .... like a cow chewing, she says. When I chew it? Or when you chew it? I know not. But that is beside the point. Moo, they call. I wonder what they say. Do they warn us of impending doom? Do they feel in the grass what we do not know? Do they warn? DO THEY WARN? Perhaps. Is it that we can not understand them, or that we do not want to?

you

You are the perfect mailbox. Think about it.

Mmmm what you saaaayy. Dear Sister. But really what is sister? Is it not just a bro with breastssss? Hey brother! Seals and hooks. Arrgghh matey. Best show ever. But is it? Is best a continuum or is it based on the moment? That was deep. yumm. I hate cotton candy. But what is cotton candy? Is it not sugar dyed pink? And who could find that disgusting? Mmmm what you saaaayy. They say that we're made up of particles the same as stars and trees and the ground but what about echoing? If something echoes, as in you yell off the side of a cliff and you hear your voice echoing back at you, does the echo ever really stop or does it continue forever. Gargle. Words. Cool. Crazy. Your turn. A picture of my best friend: