wtf is the point of causing pain if you're just going to try to fix it

One of the great mysteries of life: Why the Mozza Burger from A&W is cheaper than a Teen Burger. The Mozza is basically a teen burger PLUS cheese PLUS thousand island dressing. Usually that would constitute a price hike, but not in this case. It's like they are rewarding you for consuming extra calories.

and the sea turtle sprouted sheep feet.

Once there was a child who turned into a unicorn every midnight. His name was Simon B. The unicorn would jump in the air, sending sparkles to the earth. One day, Simon did not turn into a unicorn, but into a MULTI-horn, and his powers were magnified by the amount of horns protruding from his skull (7). But no sparkles rained down from the sky. So he said to a star, WHERE ARE THEY, OH LOVING ONE? And Star John answered, Wrong Answer. And Simon the Multi-horn was like, it was a question. And Star John smyted him, and never was there ever asked such a question again.